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Less is more, say the spiritualists.
However, for many an inheritor, the opposite is true. While it
is difficult to generalise, in many cases, the more financial
security they are given, paradoxically, the less emotional security
they seem to have. Their external life may appear solid and well
furnished but inside they frequently harbour debilitating
concerns about self worth, shame, guilt, fears, failure, inadequacy,
responsibility and ironically, even survival. Society's assumption
that material success guarantees happiness merely exacerbates these
concerns.
These issues usually develop as a result of
parent-child relationships.
A common issue is the conflict between the parent's desires and the
child's. The parents expect their children to follow their
expectation, and often use their money as a means of blackmail.
The parents 'encourage' the children to follow a certain career
path, or to join the family business, without considering their
children's personality, desires and needs. As a result many inheritors
develop complexes around love and money, a feeling of dependency and
lack of control with regard to life choices. In many instances, I have
observed how disconnected inheritors are from themselves and their
true desires. Many wealthy parents have set up their children's lives
without taking into account all these rudiments.
Dr Dolittle, a film character played by Eddie Murphy,
illustrates one of these issues that inheritors face. Although the
character in the film does not come from an affluent family, the
psychological dynamics he experienced in his relationships with his
father are similar. Eddie Murphy plays a child who has the ability
to understand animals' language. However, his father denied him from
using his unusual senses and forced him to follow a more 'conventional'
way of living. So, the child grows up and becomes a traditional
medical doctor, detached from a critical part of his self.
Until his unique powers are revealed again as a result of an accident
he is involved in. At this point he is afraid of himself and thinks
that he may be affected by a mental illness. At the end, however,
Dr Dolittle overcomes his fears and uses his gift in a positive way.
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So a key role for parents is to recognise
that the child has his or her own independent path to follow.
In addition though, the parents need to prepare children for the
opportunities and pressures presented by the wealth they will inherit
and how to cope with these. lf many children who come from wealthy families
develop problems around inherited wealth, it is because they are not prepared to handle it.
Financial matters are above all not discussed within the family and heirs are in
a complete shock when, on their 21st birthday, they learn that they have inherited a
large trust fund.
The bewildered response to the new freedom
offered by an inheritance may lead to denial of their money, shame
or guilt. With no material need to work, the heir may feel loss of
direction and motivation in life.
Where the heir is in a job, they may give it up altogether.
Recognising the opportunities presented by the new circumstances,
the inheritor may feel swamped by choices, leading to relinquished
responsibilities, lavish spending and in extreme cases, alcohol
and drug use.
There is no magic formula as to how to address
these problems and each individual is unique and has a different
set of personal issues. But I have found that a two-pronged approach
is most effective: one working on the personal level and the
other focusing on practical financial aspect.
At the personal level, the primary objective is
to explore with the individual the underlying concerns and issues,
employing a variety of counselling and coaching methods and exercises
to solve them. These may take the form of either face-to-face or through
a phone conversation.
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Where possible, these may involve the family
through inclusive workshops, discussions or even outdoor bonding exercises.
The above support is often best supplemented by helping the inheritor
develop practical skills to manage the new wealth. This may include focusing on creating
effective communication between the inheritor and the wealth manager. Sometimes the focus
of the client is with precisely this person - the banker, or trustee, for example. l
also recommend other organisations that focus on providing specific training in managing
investment and understanding financial markets, such as the Swiss-based organisation Loedstar.
Separately l encourage clients to engage in charitable or philanthropy work, developing
self-worth through helping others.
Unfortunately, only a few of those who are experiencing difficulties
with their wealth have the confidence to approach a professional. Generally people are too
embarrassed to ask for help in unravelling their feelings. Inheritors suffer the double
stigma, since their problems are caused by wealth, which supposedly should make them
happy. It is crucial for people to understand that a professional can offer guidance without
imposing decisions, accept the client as he is, without making judgments and above all,
listens in a way that provides the client with clarity in realising the way forward in the
maze to happiness.
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